RIP Phone

So today was an awful day. I got a job interview which will cut into my Call of Duty time, and broke my phone, which A. Leaves me without a phone, and B. Hinders my abilty to text people who I play Call of Duty with telling them to hop on.

Also, I have come to the realization that when you dont have a phone, you get this crazy feeling that all the people in the world are trying to get at you at the exact time your phone goes down. Do you know how many girls tried calling my phone telling me they wanted to have sex with me? Probably -80, but in my head, I am thinkin my entire hot girl phone list. That drives me nuts. I am going to receive voice mails from all these hot bitches saying "Hey Brian, just wanted to let you know I was in the area and wanted to bang. If you get this in the next 5 hours gimme a ring. If not this opportunity will never arise again." Yup, thats just my luck. My inbox will be filled with 14 of those messages. GREAT.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Hopefully tomorrow I get a new phone, and return to the monotonous life of not getting calls by hot girls. At least I can get at people to tell em to play CoD though. WIN

Back By Popular Demand!!!

A week ago, Brian gives me a heads up that he's going to bring the blog back from it's temporary hiatus now that March Madness is officially underway. I mean, what is March Madness without the Trio's touch in this year's big dance? Exactly!

As the reigning champ in last year's big dance bracket, it's only right that Jumpoff J gives an abridged preview of his own Bracketology.

1. John Fucking Wall: Brian and I go back and forth in regards to who's the most ballin' freshman since Kevin Durant. He sides with the standout freshman Xavier Henry from Kansas (no surprise he chooses the player on the former number 1 ranked team in the nation). But check it, John Wall is the real deal Holyfield. It's only fitting that this years NBA Draft is already called the "John Wall Sweepstakes". This boy has lived up to the hype this season, and has made the year a memorable one. Expect him to run shit in the tournament.

2. Jumpoff J's Final Four: Pretty cocky for a dude to make Final Four predictions before the field of 65 hasn't even been announced. But then again, not everybody is me! My current final four predictions is Kentucky, Syracuse, Kansas, and New Mexico. NEW MEXICO??? That's right kids, New Mexico is going to be sleeper of the year! Read on.

3. Weak Mid-Majors Appearances: Last year, there wasn't much noise made by the mid-majors and I don't expect any change this year. But I still believe the "not-so" mid-majors will be doing work this year. The Mountain West should probably have four teams entering the dance: New Mexico, BYU, UNLV, and SDSU. Earlier in the year, Joe Lanardi had around six teams from the Atlantic 10 for crying out loud dancing this year. But expect the boys in the mountains to do some serious work.

4. Darington Hobson: The high flyin', swag surfing, emotional leader for the Lobos is going to make a serious name for himself this year in the tournament. If you peeped the game this past weekend against BYU, you'll know that this kid means business. Watch out.

That's all I got time for now, going to put some caps on fools in Call of Duty.

Peace out haters.

-Jumpoff

Timmy Te'doh

Damn. Now I have to see this little bitch at the combine? Wont he go away?? He has changed his throwing motion, he is going to be a qb in the NFL, he is going to bring fan support all over, blah blah blah. STFU Tim Tebow is a fuckin bitch. He played at Florida and they ran the spread offense. That's like me going to the Rec center and playing basketball with kids my age. Of course I am going to fuckin go beast mode on them. I am way better then them, and Florida had better athletes then most schools. Put him in the NFL, and he will be a zero. He will be worse then a zero.

Also, WTF are these athletes at the combine wearing? This aint dancing with the stars. No NFL fan wants to see these mamouth animals in skin tight under armour clothing. Like, when Mt. Cody runs his 40, I am sure dudes dick is going to be hitting the floor. That will slow that man down. Sad part is, he couldnt probably beat me in the 40. FUCK, I am out of shape.

At the end of this blog, I began to realize Timmy T isnt as bad as I make him out to be. Its Urban Meyer who I hate the most. I am not wishing Tebow success in the NFL, but he kind of reminds me of myself a little bit. All the talent in the world, just needs a chance. Like this blog for instance. Have you read a better blog in the last 45 seconds? No. My blog is awesome. So maybe Tim Tebow can win one for the gippur over here. Whadya say bitch?

YM

Bitches, man

As you know, I once had a girlfriend. YUPPPPPPPPPP, girls loved me at one point. I mean, who wouldnt? I am a fuckin celebrity blogger. Bitch get off me.

So yea, tooting my own horn rant over, back to the blog.

I once dated a girl named Jamie. We knew eachother for like 5 years and dated on and off, on and off, on and off, off and on for about 4 years. Guess how many world championships my teams won? FUCKIN ZERO. Its like hashem was saying "Brian, while you date her, I will not let you be happy in the sports world. You might not have blue balls in the bedroom, but ahaha, jokes on you in the sports game." He was right. I fuckin lost everything in my sports world.

The bitch dumps me, and the Yanks win a world series, Jets make the AFC Championship game, Team USA won Silver, and Hofstra basketball is the heat. All in a year. WTF is that? Was hashem really serious about punishing me? The second it was over, he lifted my sports ban, and gave me happniess. I want to know though, what does a blogger like me have to do to capitalize in both angles of the game? Bitches, and Championships.

For the record, baseball is for the birds at this point. I aint into that shit anymore. Hockey is like a Mitchell and Ness throwback, people only care every 4 years. The Jets and Hofstra though are my fuckin teams.

Remember 06?? The fuckin Skincident. I would explain the incident, but let's be real. No one fuckin reads this thing. If you read it, its because I linked you to it, and you did me a favor. So yea, Hofstra ran fuckin shit in the CAA's that year, and in the championship game, they crapped out. Before that game, our best player got punched in his junk. It was awful. That bus ride home though I felt like I too had gotten punched in the nuts as well. You know who was there to enjoy the game with me? Yea, you guessed it. Fuckin Jamie. THANKSSSSSSSS. Dont worry though, she dumped my ass. Now Hofstra and I are fuckin' rollin into the tourney this year. You think we got no shot? AHAHAH. We got the Jamie factor on our side. She dumps me, we win. You're welcome Hofstra. I havent used my dick in like 2 years, but whatever, it might be worth it.

Onto the Jets. The fuckin Filet Mignon of my sports menu. I fuckin love this team as you already know. How does Jamie come into play? Hmm, lets see. Well, the first time I took her to a game was the preseason. We fought at the game, she cried, the game was fuckin miserable. Next and LAST time, we went to a Jets/Ravens game. It was a good game...FOR RAVENS FANS. I have these southern fuckin queers hooting and hollering at her, and im just wanting to watch the game. I made some comments towards people, and watever, it ended. The Jets lost the game. Of course. Last year, the last year of our relationship sort of, the Jets started 8-3.. Playoffs for sure right? NOPE. Thanks Jamie. This year, we are not together, and the Jets kicked ass, took names, and then beat the shit outta those people.

So is this sports world looking up for me? I hope so. If not, please fuckin kill me. If another girl is dumb enough to date me, I hope my teams win.

YM

Call Me.....NOSTRADAMUS

Did I call the last game or what? TRICK GET OFF ME. I mention 2 players in a blog, and low and behold, they fuckin ran shit in the Olympics today. Ryan Miller got his shutout, and ZP9er got the game winning goal, and then the empty netter. It's unreal how accurate I am. No idea why I havent been hired yet. Employers this is me, Brian. I can make it rain for you just like I do at efyousports.

Also, Hofstra won last night. CJ22 aka The Takeover was lights out last night, minus his 7 turnovers, he was awesome. Next time you want to make us 11 point underdogs, do some more research. Richmond is calling.
YM

Game On

Today the puck drops at 3pm for the USA and Swiss. It's now win or go home. I wish I was able to say that this was the msot exciting game today, but nope. Canada and Russia face off tonight in the same deal. Win or go home. I've asked this question 100 times, but I will ask it again. Why is Olympic hockey 1000x better then the NHL? I can watch all games in the Olympics, but I have trouble even watching a Devils game in the regular season?

Brodeur didnt start last night, which is awesome. I would rather him rest up for the Devils playoff run. Not to get off track, this blog is about the USA. Ryan Miller is continuing his push to secure all the bitches in the USA. I can see it now, he gets a shutout, and girls start throwing thongs on the ice for him. He wins gold, his dick will not stop working. He might retire from hockey to claim all of his prizes. Dating models, super models, and even like better looking chicks then super models, its going to be never ending. I would hope Parise gets the same treatment, but like, I just dont see it happening. He plays home games in Newark, NJ. If he gets traded to the Kings though, watch out. Dude will contract AIDS in a week or less.

I've noticed that other countries celebrate a lot more when they score then the USA does. Why is that? Are we so cool that we dont even care about winning? Russia scores a goal and its an orgy on the ice. Rafalski scores a goal, and you would think its an exhibition game? I hope today is more joyous as we spank the Swiss. 3-1 last time, 19-0 this time.

GO USA

Boom Goes The Dynamite x2

No joke I think this kid is retarded. This has to be a joke. There is absolutely zero chance this kid wasnt doing this on purpose. Can you imagine being in class with him, and watching him mock an interview like this. Ta, Ta, Ta, Ta, today juniorrrrr. This should be an infomercial for rival schools of Kent State. WTF is Kent State going to say about their Broadcast Journalism major now? They should ban this student from the school, banish the records, and tell the general public it was a publicity stung.

I can now go to bed easier now knowing that I can be shitfaced, attend a womens basketball game, and know more about the game then this turd bucket.